Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Road...Along a New Path...I hope I can do this

I'm going to try something I haven't tried before.

I have often envied those who didn't get upset about things. You know the people I'm talking about. The ones who no matter what their feathers don't get ruffled. Like a duck, the water that pours down on them, just rolls off their backs. I have never been one of those people. I have always taken criticism to heart. More than praise, criticism. Praise, I kinda blow that off and ignore it. Why? I have no fucking idea. You can tell me I'm the best, greatest, whatever, and I'll probably laugh at you, but you point out a minor flaw and it'll stick with me forever.

I'm going to attempt to get rid of that. I don't like the impact that makes on my life. I don't like carrying around those criticisms that have stored in my heart and mind for so long. I do carry them with me, no matter how long ago they were said, no matter how many times I can tell myself that I don't think about it, I hold on to them. It's time to let them go.

I don't know if this means I'll be making a list to burn soon, but I have a feeling that may be one of my steps. Burning always seems to come into play when I decide to make changes. This time won't be any different I think.

The other thing I need to learn to do is really listen to and accept what I say and follow through on it. I don't care what people think about purely subjective ideals. I really don't, especially when they're not trying to shove those ideals down my throat. However, if they do try to sway my way of thinking I need to formulate a way to address that. I'm sure it'll come up. I need to let it all go.

I really really get upset when I see/hear/read of people being absolutely willfully or even woefully ignorant. There is a drive in me I must overcome. A drive to teach, to reach out and repair. But these people, more often than not, do not want to learn, they want to spew their hatred and ignorance without taking the time to realize just how uninformed and uneducated they are, or how ridiculous they sound. I need to let it go. I need to be fine with them sounding ignorant and not attempt to educate them.

I have decided that obviously they are not at the same point in their path of learning that I am, and therefore, there is nothing I can do. Hopefully, eventually, they will catch up and one day look back at the venom, hatred, ignorance and utter idiotic nonsense they once spewed from their mouths and realize just how far they have now come. Or maybe they will never learn. And no matter what, I can not change them. They can only change when when they are ready to do so. I can not teach them, they will only learn that which they are ready to learn.

It is going to be difficult, but I will do my best.

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