I often wonder....

I often wonder what I did in a past life to make this life so dang complicated?? Serial Killer?? That would be awesome, quite frankly! LOL! Though, someone told me that maybe all of my past lives have been quite pleasant and this life is the life to be full of difficulty and problems. I'm not sure how I feel on this situation.....

I often wonder...where people are going when I see them driving on the freeway and wonder if they are wondering the same thing about me!

I often wonder...if people really do abide by their moral compass?!

I often wonder..... how it would be to live in another culture? Would I not like the idea as much as I do now?

I often wonder....if people think me and elizabeth are "girlfriends"! (hehehehe)

I often wonder.... how other people look like when they're having sex. (c'mon I know you do too)

I often wonder... if people talk behind my back. :(

I often wonder... what it would be like to be someone else....


Anyway, just a few things I think about thought I'd see if anyone else feels or thinks the same as me or if I am really kinds a weirdo! LOL!

Swimming with Sharks

So yesterday I did it.

Yesterday I threw my line out in the water and applied for a position in the shark infested waters.

I have previously swam in the shark infested waters. However, the last time I was there, I was maimed. HORRIBLY MAIMED I TELL YOU!

But, I'm older now.

I'm wiser now.

And I think I'm ready to try it again.

Ya see, swimming with the sharks can be fun. Not only can it be fun but it can be rewarding. It can also be challenging and all of those things are good right?

So why am I so fucking nervous about this?

I've been talking to myself about this every chance I get. I've been checking and double checking and even triple checking with myself to see if this is what I want.

There is a part of me that really does want this. It'll be a welcome challenge with rewards I could use.

BUT there is another part of me that is still cautious. Remember, previously maimed???? blah.

Anyway. Nothing I can do now but sit and wait and see if I get hauled in for an interview. Then I get to wade with the sharks I guess.

It'll be when they make the job offer (if they make the job offer) that's when I'd better make sure I have my damned gear in tip top order.

I hope it goes well.

New Road...Along a New Path...I hope I can do this

I'm going to try something I haven't tried before.

I have often envied those who didn't get upset about things. You know the people I'm talking about. The ones who no matter what their feathers don't get ruffled. Like a duck, the water that pours down on them, just rolls off their backs. I have never been one of those people. I have always taken criticism to heart. More than praise, criticism. Praise, I kinda blow that off and ignore it. Why? I have no fucking idea. You can tell me I'm the best, greatest, whatever, and I'll probably laugh at you, but you point out a minor flaw and it'll stick with me forever.

I'm going to attempt to get rid of that. I don't like the impact that makes on my life. I don't like carrying around those criticisms that have stored in my heart and mind for so long. I do carry them with me, no matter how long ago they were said, no matter how many times I can tell myself that I don't think about it, I hold on to them. It's time to let them go.

I don't know if this means I'll be making a list to burn soon, but I have a feeling that may be one of my steps. Burning always seems to come into play when I decide to make changes. This time won't be any different I think.

The other thing I need to learn to do is really listen to and accept what I say and follow through on it. I don't care what people think about purely subjective ideals. I really don't, especially when they're not trying to shove those ideals down my throat. However, if they do try to sway my way of thinking I need to formulate a way to address that. I'm sure it'll come up. I need to let it all go.

I really really get upset when I see/hear/read of people being absolutely willfully or even woefully ignorant. There is a drive in me I must overcome. A drive to teach, to reach out and repair. But these people, more often than not, do not want to learn, they want to spew their hatred and ignorance without taking the time to realize just how uninformed and uneducated they are, or how ridiculous they sound. I need to let it go. I need to be fine with them sounding ignorant and not attempt to educate them.

I have decided that obviously they are not at the same point in their path of learning that I am, and therefore, there is nothing I can do. Hopefully, eventually, they will catch up and one day look back at the venom, hatred, ignorance and utter idiotic nonsense they once spewed from their mouths and realize just how far they have now come. Or maybe they will never learn. And no matter what, I can not change them. They can only change when when they are ready to do so. I can not teach them, they will only learn that which they are ready to learn.

It is going to be difficult, but I will do my best.

Weekend Warriors

Ok. So during one of our fun nights at karaoke, our friend Ed, who sings Eminem all the time, sang "I Am" for me because me and Elizabeth helped him with New York State of Mind. Anyway, he's rappin away, I'm gettin all ghetto, flashing signs and having a blast! Songs over, I'm all fired up now....looking for something....not sure what....then blam! MOSH PIT!!!!!!!

All I will say is, I'm sorry Elizabeth that you fell, but shoes that tie and a mosh pit do not mix! LOL! We definitely need to start taking pics and posting them! Hmmm, maybe some videos too!

Just a little anecdote to keep you smiling my friends! Love ya!
XOXOXO!

Positivity in 2010!

I believe that is the theme this year! woo-hoo! I have read somewhere or someone as told me that you have to put out in the universe what you want to come back to you! Like a boomerang, I guess! So, being the internet is like a big black hole of infinity (once it's on here, you'll never get it back) I will like to start putting out positive vibes for my life. Anyone is welcomed to join me in the effort!!!!

Please list anything you would want to come into your life and keep us posted if it happens and when it happens. I'm starting with wanting love to come into my life. Unconditional love by the one I love! Mark your calendars and keep checking back to see if I've achieved my first goal this year!

Good Luck and happy loving!

2009 - A Year in Review

Ok. So 2009 pretty much began suckily, I was getting over my grandmother's death...not sure I'm over that yet. But it's getting better every day.

I didn't finish my MA thesis (that will be done soon though, it WILL BE DONE SOON.)

I did become officially engaged (Don't ask about a wedding date, I don't know when, I don't care when, I don't plan on planning anything, when we do it we'll do it and ya'll be invited to a party to celebrate later ok? that's the way I want it.)

My daughter is finishing high school this year, and that makes me feel old.

All in all, there were too many deaths in 2009, there was too much sadness in 2009, and I'm planning on having a lot less of that crap in 2010. (Ok, Ok, I know I can't control deaths, but I can kinda control sadness.)

There will be more fun, there will be more happiness and there will be more ELECTRIC BOOBS damn it.

There will also be more art fairs...eek! Applications for those will be starting very soon...

I am very blessed to have good friends, and my family, and I am grateful for all of them.

Look for more fun and more insanity to be coming this way soon...and there will be at least one more blogger added in the very near future. We all need to have more moments of insanity don't we? ;)

Life as I know it......

I know I've heard the saying if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all...well, I'll type it instead, how about that???

It is amazing to me how little people do and get credit for doing everything! I'm feeling very underappreciated lately, at work, home in love...it sucks it sucks it sucks!!!

I would just like an answer to a question to help me along in my workday but it seems impossible. GRRR! I would just like to meet a man that I can count on but it seems impossible. I would like my offerings be taken responsibly but that seems impossible. I would like my mother to stop being a hypocrit and see me but that seems impossible. With life full of possibilities, I wonder how I got the shit end of the stick. I mean seriously, did I kill Jesus in my past life or something??

Everything seemed to come crashing down on me this past Christmas season and it's amazed I've escaped as unscathed as I did....I do however have a huge bruise on my knee and can't quite remember where it came from??...but I digress...I should thank my wonderful friend (yes only one) Elizabeth who supports me in my crazy frames of mind I go in and doesn't judge or try to fix it. She listens! I luffs her! I can say that was the only positive this past holiday vacation..

Ok, let's see if I can switch the mood to a more chipper and fun sentiment.........Had a great New Year's Eve party with a few friends and played singstar....fun fun...drank alot....had blasts from the past call me....quite interesting....and that is about it for the positiveness...haha!

So, I'll send these words out in the black abyss called the internet and hopefully it will be sent out in the universe to please please please let 2010 be a slightly better year than 2009....last year was pretty bad for me only a slight uprise would be greatly greatly appreciated! As for anyone who reads my dread above, I apologize and hope it makes you feel you are lucky in your life no matter what...I'm hoping to get to that point soon.

I have also made a committment to blog more often and usually with more funny, positive stories! LOL! Until then, I'll sign off and say TTYL!